Serious/Boring Fuck

Hei kaikille

Im sorry that im writing in english, but although i've lived in Finland for a year now, i can't really speak, let alone write finnish, so please bear with me...

So, as said, i have been in here for a year now, and in this time i have dated three men (not simultaneously;-) two of which i had sex with. And there seemed to be the same denominator with these men, in addition to me, of course (i cant stop making lame jokes). When we were having sex, they were really serious!

Let me enlighten you more on this... I mean i really got a feeling that they were doing some kind of sport performance, even their facial expressions were controlled, serious, they used no voice, i got no relaxed, smiley responses with warmth, just quiet performance... My god, it made me feel awcward and blocked me from enjoying it to the fullest..

Otherwise what these men did, in "technical" terms, they were quite ok, i mean they knew where to touch me, and how to respond to my body... But the atmosphere!!

They seemed serious, lacking this warm relaxed feeling, and they touched me somehow distantly, i mean i felt like some chick from porn flick! Not an equal partner, fellow human being, playing sex game and enjoying with another witha twinkle in the eye...It was weird.... Even the kiss was kind of cold...

What is this? I hope it was just my bad luck... Does anyone have a take on this? i mean the ones who can compare the sexual behaviour of finnish men;-)

 

Dear Expaterss,
What you are telling us, really I am not astonished. More or less, I ´d say, you met quite normal local quyes for this stupid rathole.
Unfortunately I have to admit that I have been staying here the most of my life and know, how the things are going here.
Finns are very simpleminded, but also honest and reliable people, not showing big feelings, which don´t actually exist. You´d better see Greece or Italy for more passionete lovers, but I cannot give any further quarantee for the other features.

 

Keep searching for right one... maybe you are looking from wrong places/bars/discos... good luck to you

 

That is exactly how finnish ladies want it.
Just like on the fish board.

If we smile or say " oooohh ", it means that we enjoy fucking our ladies and that is wrong. Men are not allowed to enjoy too much. At least not more than lady on the table.
Have you ever seen Kimi Raikkönen smiling ? No !

 

Why is that?

I mean, these men were, althoug a bit reserved in the beginning, quite nice when dating (outside the bedroom)... But in the bed, it was like they were either afraid or then they were just heartless!

It felt horrible, they sort of just "did the job", almost like pre-planned way, systematically, as if they had little manual infront of them, and they were more concerned in following these "rules" rather than connecting and interacting with me, there and then!!

I did not reach an orgasm, because i felt so awcward, and sad after that. I felt emotionally neglected, i mean when the relationship goes to the stage of having sex, thats when its supposed to be most intimate, and really connecting with that person..

Why is sex so serious matter? i am used to playing around, being relaxed, laughing and expressing the thoughts, feelings along the way... But these men, they seemed to not have any feelings there...If i didnt know they had erection, i could really not have told whether they enjoyed it or not! Not a smile, no moans, no words... nothing... just doing their maneuvers....I just cant explain it but i felt horrible.... Like i was just flesh to them, as if my personality stopped existing the minute we started having sex. I am not "blaming" hem... But this really puzzled me... I sort of started thinking that this just might be a cultural thing, which made me feel that maybe i am not meant to be with a finnish guy, because this emotional side troubles me. I really felt like an object that was just being squeezed, touche and f***d when we had sex.

Do you guys know what i am talking about? It makes me feel better when you show empathy to me, thank you for that

 

Wweeellcome to Finland. Land of Icemen.

You are not to blame men, but women. They want it that way.

Please note, not flesh. It is fish.

 

I couldn't feel relaxed during sex even in few year relationship. Stupid pressure of succeeding!

 

I mean, these men were, althoug a bit reserved in the beginning, quite nice when dating (outside the bedroom)... But in the bed, it was like they were either afraid or then they were just heartless!

It felt horrible, they sort of just "did the job", almost like pre-planned way, systematically, as if they had little manual infront of them, and they were more concerned in following these "rules" rather than connecting and interacting with me, there and then!!

I did not reach an orgasm, because i felt so awcward, and sad after that. I felt emotionally neglected, i mean when the relationship goes to the stage of having sex, thats when its supposed to be most intimate, and really connecting with that person..

I wonder, how long your relationship to these man was? In your first message you wrote that you've lived in Finland just about one year... I doubt that you can get serious and deep emotional connection in that time to two (three) different gyus.

It's quite common belief that man is happy when getting pure sex and no talk of emotions or anything else, for that matter... That's not true in most cases and finnish men does not make any exception. I would say that confidence is the key to get to know any finnish man. If man doesn't trust you, he won't open his heart and then you don't make love but just having sex...

You should be happy that these guys cared you at least that much that they did their best for you to get orgasm during sex. Give poor guy some time and space, he'll relax and ultimate fun in bed begins.

 

my english is so bad but i try to write something. Hope you understand!
i think that finnish people are somehow "handicapped" with they feelings. The atmosphere has become difficult to show the feelings and so the feelings are so deep inside the people that they dont even know they exist. the country where the people most commit a suicide is Finland.
i am also finnish, but i have lived few months in usa

 

Thanks for your replys!

yes, i really did not want to criticise these men per se, but just wanted to get more insight to the matter.

So i guess it was some kind of vulnerability then... Being nervose, not able to show the emotions and so forth... However, i must say it did feel scary to see how emotionally distant they were when having sex. I did not expect any "i love you baby"'s during it, but just some humanity atleast.

Why be so afraid?

To me, even if the technical part would be slacking behing, id rather have that, that cold, distant atmosphere... We're all just humans, why make these things so hard? My previous partner (not a finn) was also nervose when we started the physical relationship, but he did not "hide it under distant maneuvers", i mean above all he wanted me to feel comfortable and that he was fully present, and not that he just wanted me to know he knows "the moves"...

I felt like these guys were performing as if they were acting for a porn movie. Now dont get me wrong they did respect me, and all that.. But god i felt odd after it.

I also got the feeling that it just is their sexual self, i mean i am not sure whether that would change in the course of time... I really cant tell whether that was their nerves of just the way they are.

 

my english is so bad but i try to write something. Hope you understand!

Barely...

Would you please check the facts before making yourself ridiculous? For your knowledge: Finland is one of rare European countries, which has these kind of statistics of suicides. We have also accurate population register, so in Finland we know how many is born and how many dies.

But our suicide- or any other statistics does not have anything to do with poor sex. Don't mess up!

 

So i guess it was some kind of vulnerability then... Being nervose, not able to show the emotions and so forth... However, i must say it did feel scary to see how emotionally distant they were when having sex. I did not expect any "i love you baby"'s during it, but just some humanity atleast.

Why be so afraid?

I really don't get it, what did you expect? That is what you get after so short relationship. We are not like americans, who find everything so lovely, gorgeous or amazing and surely we don't tell stangers we love them. Because we don't.

You have to accept the fact that your mutual experience of having sex was not as earthshaking as you hoped. This might be also a cultural difference, maybe you understood something wrong? Maybe he was not afraid at all, but only focused and enjoyed having sex.

By the way, where are you from?

 

Have you ever heard about Lahna-Culture ?

 

Fisherman, the answer to your problem is right there in the mirror.

 

Have you ever heard about Lahna-Culture ?

Lahna-Culture? I must admit, that I have never heard that lahna fsh are cultivated in any spesific culture.

It must be really big, not like a petri dish at all. Must be more like a fishtank, or something like that.

 

my english is so bad but i try to write something. Hope you understand!
i think that finnish people are somehow "handicapped" with they feelings. The atmosphere has become difficult to show the feelings and so the feelings are so deep inside the people that they dont even know they exist. the country where the people most commit a suicide is Finland.
i am also finnish, but i have lived few months in usa

That is actually wrong. In Finland, suicides are always reported as "suicides", but in many countries suicide is such a shameful thing, that it's very normal to report it as "dieing on natural causes". Just google, and you will get more articles on this.

 

I wonder, how long your relationship to these man was? In your first message you wrote that you've lived in Finland just about one year... I doubt that you can get serious and deep emotional connection in that time to two (three) different gyus.

I wondered the same thing! I have had sex with two men - both Finns - in my life (I'm 30+ now) and my experience is that sex gets better during the time and the first time with a new guy is always - or was at both of the times - a little bit "strange", both were a little bit shy etc. I have been with my husband now almost six years and the sex is great - and it's getting even better and better all the time ;-) I have to quote "been there, done that" once more: I would say that confidence is the key to get to know any finnish man.

 

I wouldn´t like my partner penetrating and laughin at same time ? Or telling jokes !

 

^"Telling jokes" That was probably not Expatress's point either!
I can only imagine what you meant since I don't have have any personal experience in Finnish men, having lived most of my life outside finnish borders.
But what I do know, is that Finns, men and women, are in general very concerned about what somebody and especially a foreigner might think about them. It seems to me quite logical that this "national caracter" would extend to the bedroom too.
I don't know if there's something you can do about it. But of course, not all the Finns are like that. You also know that, don't you.

 

I've had worst sex with finnish women. That's the why i don't date em anymore.